Allies Eating Marshmallows
by TheSilverfoxx
Summary: My First FanFic. Not wanting to be outdone by the Axis Powers, America decides his fellow allies will roast marshmallows as well. Then it all goes downhill from there. Based on a throwaway gag in episode 6. Rated T for Profanity.
1. The Fire

Okay everyone. This is my first FanFic, based on a throwaway gag in episode 6. Please read and review afterwards.

***HETALIA - AXIS POWERS I DO NOT OWN!**

The allies sit on the beach at night, the fire glowing bright. Everyone looking bored from lengthy bouts of silence. Then Russia suddenly uttered.

"Kolokolokolokola"

"What was that?" muttered China.

"Did a mosquito bite you again?" Said America,

"No" replied Russia. "It's a very common riddle in my country, You take the term "Kolokolokolokola" and insert two spaces to make a meaningful phrase."

"OH I KNOW!" shouted America, wanting to be the first to answer anything he could. "It's kola koka…aloa, um, no, damnit. Ako ola, COCA COLA! THAT IT YES!"

Russia had a blank expression on his face. England couldn't help but utter "I knew you couldn't help but say that."

"Oh yeah? Can you think of anything better?"

"I don't even know Russian"

"A-HA! I WIN"

"Damnit America you can't speak Russian either! You came up with Coca-Cola, something form your own damn country!"

"All this talk of coke make me thirsty, England fetch some Coke please."

"Yeah, do be a darling and fetch some beverages" Replied France.

"JESUS CHRIST, FRANCE!" England said with a burning rage. "DO YOU BASE YOU SOLE EXITANCE ON PISSING ME OFF IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!"

France, somewhat stunned, couldn't help but utter "…Maybe"

As England and France engaged in a vulgar argument, China complains about the mosquitoes attacking him.

"It's your clothes" Russia said.

"Huh?" replied China

"Mosquitoes are attracted to darker colors, and your wearing a dark green uniform, its true I saw on a documentary"

"Well it must be true, these guys are everywhere!"

"Do you have another change of clothes?"

"No, but I don't want these parasites to keep bugging me"

"Then take them off and be quick, I hear these things can spread disease and quickly"

"Okay" starts to unbutton shirt" it was nice of you war-HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" yelled China as he suddenly realized Russia motive, Russia help but blush and giggle.

"Ugh, I hate my life" exhaled China and he sat back down.

England and France were exhausted, from the previous arguments. America just laughing in enjoyment from watching.

"I'm Really Hungry" complained Russia

"Yeah, what happened to the marshmallows?" uttered France

Almost simultaneously, every one looked at America who had a white ring of cream around his face and chuckled nervously

"GODDAMMIT AMERICA WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS?" yelled England

"You weren't gonna eat them"

"You know what, lets just go home. It's cold, I'm tired"

"But…where are we?" noted Russia

"I…don't know" said France

"Well who has the map?" said China

"I DO!" said America

"Of course you do" replied England "Of course he does"

To Be Continued.

Chapter two coming soon.

Please review.


	2. The Map

Okay here's Chapter 2, thanks for the reviews everyone.

I though chapter 1 drifted off into Seinfeldian tone a bit much so I this one more center plot focused. Lets see if that's an improvement

"So" England said sarcastically to America

"What?"

"Show us the map"

"OH! The map! I'll get it." America quickly searched his pockets for any instance of a map, throwing out, among other things, a hamburger, a small rabbit, some airplane parts, more glasses, a hamburger and a hamburger. "Well, I don't have the map, but standing up is much easier for some reason."

"What? You're the self proclaimed hero! The least you had to do was hold on to the goddamn map!"

"It's alright, I'm pretty good at survival. Let's make a map from what we see surrounding us"

England could only sigh in stress. But fallowed the idea in hopes of getting somewhere. So the allies crouched down and started drawing a map in sand.

"Okay," America Proclaimed. "So let this line represent the coast over there and…"

"Speaking of which" China interrupted "Don't you think we're a bit close to the coast?"

"You get closer to fire? That things hot."

"I'm just saying, the water could wash the map away without warning"

"Look if you wanna be self-proclaimed hero, than do it. It's not that hard"

"I don't know why you being such a-"

"Umm, Guys?"

The two look at Russia in unison, who pointed his finger down, revealing a washed away map.

The allies then moved opposite the fire, Discussing the map. Except for France who was all but neurotic on what the humidity was doing to his hair. The map had shown the coast, the forest, the fire and the allies. All of a sudden America proclaimed that they needed to know the direction of north to make it a complete map.

"How do we know which way is north" pointed out Russia "I know the sun setting in the west thing from 'Invader ZIM' but how do you tell when it's night?"

"E-Z! You counted the number of cricket chirps in a minute. If it's less then 40, north is to your right, if not, then it's any other way!"

"That the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" England proclaimed, then suddenly noticing France's shakiness.

"Oh yeah, you got anything better?"

"Yes" England responded "Moss, moss always grows facing the north side of a tree be cause it gets less sunlight."

Dumbstruck by England's knowledge of the situation, he decided to pull out a secret about England to make himself look better "You think you're so good at everything don't ya? Well you know what? I don't have magazine under my bed" England suddenly threw a Blue Screen of Death at the situation. "Lot and lots of magazines of-"

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE" Shouted France in a panic, concerned about his hair. He suddenly kneeled over the fire trying to dry his hair. Then it caught flame.

"AHHH" France shouted in a panic, running around like a chicken with out his head, before diving head first into the water.

Everyone was stunned by this random display of France's actions, well, all except for Russia, who was clapping amused.

Attempting to divert attention from his blackmailed situation, England quickly changed the subject.

"Well this is great! We're cold, hungry, there are bugs everywhere and France caught fire! How could this situation get worse?"

Then the fire went out.

China packed an emergency flashlight for this very situation, first pointing at the fire to see anything that could have caused it to go out. Although he found nothing too notable, he did notice something that had been damaged in the fire.

The map.

You know Russia watches "Invader ZIM". it's the only thing more screwed up then he is.

Chapter 3 Coming soon

BTW if anyone is looking for the answer to the riddle in the first chapter

it's "kol okolo kolokola" "A stake next to a bell"


	3. The Forest, I

Okay Everyone here is chapter 3. Nothing much to say here

"How typical of him" Thought China after noticing America using the map for firewood. He decided to let it go, as getting mad would do no good.

The rest of the allies we're stressed, especially England, worried that America knew about his "Stash"

"I Think we should just sleep here and navigate in the morning" said Russia.

"No way!" said America "The Axis are some where on this island too! They could sneak up on us at any moment when we sleep!"

Meanwhile, where the axis where, Italy had dosed off from playing in the water, Germany and Japan we're barely keeping themselves awake, for fear of anything unusual that might happen.

Back at the allies camp, America decided the gang would split up though the forest and look for an exit, and distributed walkie talkies though out the gang. Ditz or not, America was prepared.

One by one the gang split up into the forest.

Suddenly something struck Russia, that he could call one of his subordinates for help. He picked up his cell phone and called home, hoping Lithuania would answer

At his home however, Lithuania heard the phone rang and trembled in fear at the sound. However it was not because he knew Russia was calling

It was because Poland, being the way that he is repeatedly kept calling Lithuania pretending to be a federal agent claiming that Lithuania had known private information about Russia and would arrest him for holding back essential information. But Lithuania knew nothing and wanted the calls to stop.

"He didn't answer" Russia said "I shall punish him dearly."

Elsewhere in the forest, England was perhaps too fixated on America's knowledge of England's "Stash"

"It's normal to have one right? Everyone does, I mean I know France has one, Oh lord I just compared myself to France."

All of a sudden he heard a noise in forest looked and saw a man sure to be America.

Paranoid and full of rage, England decided to take the offensive and pounced the man

"Aghh!"

"What do you know?" England shouted

"About What?"

"The Stash! Don't play dumb with me!" England slapped the man

"Ow!"

"What do you know!"

"I don't know!"

"Tell me what you know bitch!" England slapped the man again

"Ah!"

"Goddammit America, Why won't you tell me anything?"

"Because…I'm…Canada."

England was suddenly dumbfounded. That he attacked a innocent man in paranoia, Or mostly because he may have implied his stash to another person. In either case he helped poor Canada up.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was walking near here, when all of a sudden little Kumajirou (Canada's pet bear), ran into the forest. I chased after him but when I caught him I didn't know where I was, aw and now he's run off again."

"I'm very sorry. do want me to help find him?"

"No, I think this is something I need to do myself, but thanks for offering."

"Okay."

The two countries walked away in separate directions.

Meanwhile, where America really was, he was tired and dizzy from fallowing the same track of footprints though a bunch of trees, 6 times.

He almost melted and sat down next a tree, suddenly his glasses fell off, and the writer of this Fan Fic disappeared for 5.4 seconds (1) .

When he put them back on, he looked around and saw an drunk looking France.

"France, are you okay"

"Go away! Oh it's you. Hi America!"

"Are you drunk? And if so, where the hell is your alcohol, I'm really thirsty."

"I don't know, you know that, *hic* that Russia dude, well before we lift I tokk ALL of his vodka, it tastes like shit, but anything to make feel better man my hair looks TERRIBLE."

"It sure does."

"You got to help me man I can hardly see or, or…or see or nothing!"

"Fine you can fallow me but I swear to god if you puke I will kill you."

"Hey don't swear, to God…he's GREAT!"

Elsewhere in the forest, China was doing about as well as everyone else, not at all. China too was hungry and looking for anything he could potentially eat.

All of a sudden, he saw a small Polar Bear, He walked up to it and saw a collar with the name "Kumajirou" on it.

Rather then question what a Polar bear was doing in a forest, China Grabbed to bear and looked for firewood

"No this is wrong," he thought "This bear has a collar, he belong to someone, someone who probably misses him"

China's stomach then gave off a nasty growl

"On the other hand, the key word here is 'Probably'."

China then looked to find the bear had run off, presumably from the Stomach growl, and started to chase after the thing.

"Hey come back here! I don't wish to harm you!"

China dived after the bear and grabbed on to it.

"Got'cha you little-" The bear then bit China's finger.

"AHHH!" he screamed in pain, letting the bear go as he ran off.

"Damnit." China said after the bear ran away.

The bear continued to run Faster and faster until he hit something. Knocking it over.

Russia

"Hey what's the big-" Russia looked down, noticing the ditzy looking bear

"Aw your so cute" Russia said as he picked the bear up and stared petting it

"You look thirsty, I have something for you to drink" Russia search around his coat. "Hey…What happened to my vodka?"…

(1) The glasses represent Texas.

Chapter 4 coming soon

My chapters are getting longer. And they say kids don't read these days…


	4. The Forest, II

This is Chapter 4. Last one. Do not read unless you are desensitized to weird things (you try ending a web of plotlines in one chapter).

Although he had nothing for the bear to drink, Russia found that keeping Kumajirou calm was easy. After all, both Russia and Canada were roaming with polar bears, well at least the ones that we're left in the world.

Meanwhile, of course, Canada was going insane trying to find his poor pet, all of a sudden his pocket started shaking. He laughed as it ticked, but a voice came from it. America's voice

Canada realized he had England's walkie talkie, "he must have dropped it when he pounced me" He thought.

"Can you hear me England?" America said on the walkie talkie. "Uh listen…I have France with me, I know you don't him, but uhhh…he's drunk off his ass right now, we came across some natives in the forest, he uhhh…might have said something to piss them off and, uh, now were being put to death, you gotta help us, and if you don't I'll tell everyone about your stash!"

"The stash?" Canada thought, flashing back to when England attacked him, he looked insane, enraged and violently motivated. Canada gasped and realized what the stash was

"England smokes pot!" he thought, even though pot does none of these thing. His only experience with pot was "Reefer Madness" and was so naïve he took it seriously.

"I'll save America first then help England!" He said running off in a random direction, as America did not tell him he was.

Elsewhere in forest, China was walking around with heavy fatigue. He looked at the bite on his finger, which had turned from a seemingly harmless bite to being very bloody all over his finger, he knew he needed a band-aid of sorts. He saw an odd looking flower. So he grabbed a sample and wrapped it around his finger. His stomach continued to growl in hunger, so he decided to take a bite. This was a bad idea

You see this strange flower was the Datura plant a semi-poisonous plant that causes massive hallucinations.

After tasting the plant, China spit it out "That tasted horrible!" he exclaimed. walking off to find out of this forest.

Soon after, China noticed his vision was getting blurry, and his mind was drifting off. He saw a large rice man with soy sauce eyes where there was a raccoon.

"I'm gonna eat you, rice man!" He said chasing the raccoon through the trees. Then the trees started talking to China. They we're speaking Portuguese with a Kligon accent, and they said "Dê-nos o homem do arroz" (Give us the rice man)

"NO! NEVER!" China said, not even having the raccoon.

"Dê-nos o homem do arroz!" The trees repeated ominously.

The screams of the trees felt like a dozen bulldozers bombarding his head in all directions. He screamed and ran off.

Meanwhile, Russia was still holding on to Kumajirou when he noticed a tribal ceremony behind a ring of trees

"Come on little guy, maybe someone will get hurt." he said to the bear, and sure enough it was the same tribe that France pissed off with his drunken comments.

There was a large caldron that America and France we're in, there was ominous singing, and the tribe watched as they saw America and France being boiled alive.

Or so it would seem…France had passed out from his alcohol consumption, and America was enjoying his "hot tub".

"Hi Guys!" Russia said waving to his friends

"Hey Russia!" America shouted back "Hey can I get out to say hello to my friend?" America said to one of the tribesmen, who just hit his stick on America's head.

"Ow! You could've just said no"

Russia started walking toward his friends when he was blocked by a guardsman who said, "kos-yos yuck'sos" (You shall not pass)

"Eh?"

"kos-yos yuck'sos"

"Eh?"

"kos-yos yuck'sos"

"Eh?"

"kos-"

The guard was interrupted by a screaming man who ran too fast and knocked the two over.

"Where am I! Where be the rice-coon! Dave Mustaine and Rio Grande are everywhere!" The hallucinogenic China shouted!

"Vu-mat aro-do's vo-s'e!" Shouted the guard translating into "What the hell is going on!"

Unfortunately, to China, this sounded too much like "Vou matar todos vocês" which, in Portuguese, Translated into "I am going to kill you all"

"I would love to see you try!" Shouted China as he prepared to beat up everyone.

And sure enough he did, grabbing the guardsmen, who at this point looked like Santa Claus/Mice hybrids to China, and throwing them into there own fire, the couldron was tipped over hitting a tree, and then someone fell from the braches.

England.

England has been napping in the trees in hopes of catching some sleep and forgetting about America knowing about his "stash"

Suddenly, Canada arrived after about an hour of looking. Confused by the sight of China beating up tribesmen, then he saw England and put the piece that didn't fit together, together.

"England you junkie!"

"What!"

"It's bad enough you smoke pot, now you had to share it with China!"

"What are you talking about! I have never smoked pot in my life! Wait….Never!"

"But I heard America talking about your stash! Explain that!

"WHAT! AMERICA WHY YOU TELL HIM ABOUT ANYTHING!"

"I don't know what anyone is talking about anymore!"

"OH MY GOD!" Canada shouted as he noticed his beloved bear Kumajirou in the middest of the battlefield. He charged though to protect his friend, he grabbed the bear and then ran off. Tripping on a small trench, he saw the street and knew he made it out of the forest.

Soon after all the tribesmen we're knocked out, France woke up with a killer hangover and China passed out from exhaustion everyone headed home

"And by the way?" Russia said to France.

"Yes?"

"BOO!"

France tensioned up and fell on the ground trying to shake off his killer headache.

"That's why you don't steal my vodka" he said to France.

Meanwhile, England had confronted America about his knowledge of his "stash"

"Look what I read is my business and I don't want you snooping around in it, Got it?"

"Okay Geez, why are you so protective of your NatGeo magazines?"

"Goddammit I- wait what?"

"National geographic? What you can't tell?

America had only assumed England had National Geographic because he saw a couple embracing on cover, which were the only NatGeo magazine that ever caught America's eye.

"Why do you read those? You're such a nerd you know that?"

England was at once relieved and stunned

"Yes I do read National Geographic. you know what, I'm going home and reading National Geographic all night long…"

As he walked off, America shouted

"NEEEEERD!"

For the record I was completely sober when I wrote the tree bit

I Don't know what to say here, except I hoped you enjoyed this fic.


	5. Clarification

Okay just providing clarification for some people who may have been confused.

The stash England had was pornographic magazines, that America had mistaken for National Geographic because of the "Embracing couple*" on the cover. "I'm going to read national Geographic all night long." was a sarcastic comment referring to a "Rosie palms" session, to relieve stress from the night.

But Solunea has a point, National Geographic magazine WOULD be pornographic to the nations as themselves, some where America has a atlas of Florida in his room….


End file.
